Calibration- Monitoring your surrounding environment with all of your senses. Have you ever given directions to someone? How did you know they understood? They might tell you verbally. Or perhaps with a nod of understanding. But now what if they had a perplexed look on their face while they said, "Uh, okay, got it." Would you offer more clarification? Your response will be based on your calibration of the other person's response in respect to the context of the conversation. With practice you can learn to calibrate more accurately. Police interrogators, negotiators, good recruiters, successful sales professionals, and top executives are among those who have refined their calibration skills. I guess I should add some mothers to this list as well.

Nested Loops- Packaging information in layers. Nested loops are used in everyday conversation all the time, however unintentionally. Have you ever begun telling a story and got interrupted, had another conversation, and then remembered, "Oh where was I," and finished the story. So why use nested loops? Well one reason is that everyone loves a good story. But more so, they like having closure on what has already begun. So nested loops can be used to prevent premature closure. Nested loops can also be used to chain a series of states, like going from feeling frustrated to impatience to anticipation. Sometimes nested loops can be used to create confusion in the conscious mind to more easily have specific information slip in unconsciously. For a specific example of nested loops, read this example.

Rapport- A natural process of connecting verbally or non-verbally with self or others. When I began learning about rapport, I couldn't recognize when I was in rapport, but the moment I got out of rapport, I could feel the difference. Rapport can be observed and explained cognitively but the shift that takes place in the kinesthetic representational system is really "how you know." In the beginning it is easier to see rapport take place between others. When you pay close attention, it appears as a dance. Observe, then join in and notice how that feels. Then step out. And see how that feels different. If you do this enough times, you'll begin developing an internal gauge for knowing when you are and are not in rapport.

Pacing and Leading- Pacing is a specific process of rapport-building by which you enter the other person's world. Beliefs, behaviors, and language are some of the levels pacing can take place. At a very basic level, pacing is playing follow the leader, whereas leading is on the other side of the coin. It is the process of shifting your own behaviors or language to the degree that the other person follows along. You begin leading only when the other person is ready to follow. If they don't follow, go back to pacing and the cycle starts over.

Surface Structure vs. Deep Structure- As humans we are always communicating whether verbally or non-verbally. When we communicate verbally, we use words which serve as pointers to our inner experience. When someone says the sentence, "I have trouble communicating with her," at the surface level you have a series of words in a particular sequence which makes sense in the English language. But each word in the sentence is actually referring to some deeper meaning. And just as each individual word has a deeper meaning so does the whole sentence. When communicating, you condense all the pictures, sounds, feelings, concepts, and ideas and probably much more into simple few-word sentences.

Therefore each word becomes an anchor (which will be defined later), that triggers a gestalt, or a set of experiences. And the words put together in a sentence trigger an entirely different gestalt. Once you begin to understand this, you may realize how silly it is to take what anyone says at face value. You really don't know their deep structure.

As a matter of fact, unless you use a linguistic tool like the meta-model to recover some of the deep structure, you are left with accessing your own deep structure, your own gestalts to define what the person is trying to communicate. So without asking questions, we are only assuming what the person really means. And that's usually what gets us in trouble. Some questions you could ask to retrieve the deep structure of the above sentence might be:

Communicating with whom?
Communicating how?
What kind of trouble?
How do you really know?
Is that the only trouble you have with her?
What would happen if you didn't?
What are you basing that off of?
What does trouble mean to you?
What would trouble-free communication with her be like?

In most cases, the deep structure is out of conscious awareness. So by asking questions, you are also helping the other person access more of the unconscious information. The deep structure is where all your rules and programs are running. And the more conscious you can become of them, the quicker you can gain manual control and start making more informed choices.

Uptime vs. Downtime- Have you ever counted the steps it takes to go from your car to your front door or from your home to your neighbor's? Try it. Because when you do, you will engage in an uptime process.

Uptime is the state of mind you are in when your attention is directed outside of you, out in the world. And in reference to brainwave frequencies, your brain is cycling through at a Beta Level (above 14 cycles per second), with your eyes open, you are paying full attention to the world out here. If you are familiar with Gurdjieff and Ouspensky's work, they spoke of waking up from "sleep", they were speaking of entering an uptime state. Do you brush your teeth with the right hand or the left? What about putting your pants or shoes on, which leg or foot do you begin with? This level of awareness or consciousness is called uptime, and of course, it might serve you well to play with breaking natural routines, to come off of the automatic pilot.

Only until you are ready to enter into downtime, or better known as a trance state, or a highly focused state turned inward. That is when the outside world goes bye bye, and you find the limitless possibilities within. And your brainwave frequencies slow down to Alpha and perhaps even Theta waves.

You may hear people say that they want some "downtime" or "time for myself", and what they are really saying is that they want to slow their brainwave frequencies down, experience some Alpha to recoup and regroup. And a simple way to access downtime is to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, your brainwaves will slow down and you will enter into Alpha.

So practice uptime by engaging yourself in activities that force you to pay attention on the outside, and then take some time out of each day before you go to sleep to close your eyes and experience some downtime.

Analog vs. Digital- Yes it is true. In one sense nothing is really digital. There is always a gap between each digit. Digital simply put is 0 or 1, off or on, like a light switch, or like being pregnant. Yet there are always those incremental moments in between.

A light with a dimmer switch can seem analog if it is adjusted slow enough or if you go from one extreme to the other it may appear as if it is digital. So over a period of time everything appears digital. It wasn't, then it was, then it wasn't again.

Often times we remember our memories that way. You remember yourself as one way, then at some point, you shifted or changed. You may not remember everything that lead up to the that point, the mistakes, the setbacks, the disappointments, the frustration, you may just remember that things weren't as good as they are now.

Unfortunately, it works the other way around as well. People that are depressed don't remember all the great times they had before they became depressed.

Once you start understanding this distinction, you can begin to see that if you have a pattern that seems so automatic, you can recall it and slow it down to the point where it becomes more analog and make changes at that level. Examples may be smoking, nail biting, anger issues, etc...

Or if the problem operates at an analog level, you can blow out the pattern by speeding it up to the point it becomes digital. Examples may be compulsions, cravings, procrastination, etc...

Content Reframing- Think of a cake. All the ingredients that go into making the cake is content. It is the "what" or sometimes the "who" that distinguishes it from the context. (On a side note, the recipe would be the process, or the "how".) Let's define a frame first. Framing is the act of placing a box around or marking out a part of or in some cases, a whole experience. We don't remember things as they were, we only remember a collection of frames as we perceived the experience. And then we make meaning out of those frames. We take a frame, which we will call experience X, and say that it means Y. And when you reframe the content, you are now saying, X doesn't mean Y, it means Z. This is quite contrary to their belief of X meaning Y, so you can understand the importance of having a considerable amount of rapport at this point. Behaviors can also be reframed. Behavior X means Label Y, can be reframed to mean Label Z. Or another way of doing this is to reframe it so you are saying Behavior X doesn't mean Label Y, only Behavior W does.

Example:

Statement: (X) Excessive pausing while reading out loud => means => (Y) you're stupid.

Reframe 1: (X) Excessive pausing while reading out loud => doesn't mean => (Y) you're stupid, it => means => (Z) you haven't had much practice reading aloud.

Reframe 2: (W) Not realizing that it is okay to mistakes while you practice to get better => means => (Y) you're stupid.

Questions to ask: What else could that mean? In the equation of X equaling or leading to Y, consider what else could X lead to or equal? Also consider what else could equal or lead to Y?
 

Context Reframing- Whereas content focused on the "what" and the "who", context reframing focuses on the "where" and the "when". In this case, we are not trying to redefine what the experience or behavior itself means but instead where or when it would be more suitable or useful. Essentially, you are making an experience or behavior into a resource. Being abandoned as a child might have been a negative experience at one time. However now it may be the key resource, which enables you to be a caring and loving parent. Speeding may lead to higher insurance premiums but that skill could be useful to outrun an assailant.

Questions to ask: Where or when would this behavior be useful? How can that experience be an asset to me now?

Perceptual Positions

First Position: The "I" Position: The world according to "me". Kids think that way quite often. And surprisingly enough so do the big kids (Adults). And it is good to know your own position, clearly understand your own perspective, and see, hear, and feel the world through your own senses. This is what the first perceptual position offers.

Second Position: The "You" Position: As you step out of yourself and step into another person, to see, hear, and feel the world through their senses, you have moved into the second position. From here you can gain insight into this person's position as well as have a chance to observe how your position looks, sounds, and feels from here. There is much to be gained from this insight as well.

Third Position: The "He/She/They" Position: And now if you were to step into a neutral position by which you could examine both the first and second positions, you will have found yourself in the third position. No need to make any judgments from this point, just use the opportunity to discover how the two positions are similar and/or different. Is there any rapport between the two positions? What dynamics are taking place? Are both positions on automatic pilot and reacting to triggered anchors or are they presenting a perspective that the other position can and may consider? If you haven't figured it out yet, this is a great place to ask these types of questions. And in fact all three positions have certain questions that should be asked specifically from that perspective.

4-Tuple- Some may have also seen this shorthand notation as VAKO/G. Basically, at any moment our experience is being filtered through our five senses, although in NLP, the olfactory and gustatory are notated as one. These are known as the primary representational systems.

Representational Systems- Whether it resides in the conscious or the unconscious, each experience will have a picture, a sound, a feeling, a smell, and a taste associated with it. Often times only or two of those representations are what we are conscious of, the rest remains in our unconscious. And what we are aware of is the surface structure, and in the process of discovering what is out of conscious awareness, you recover the deep structure. As humans we gravitate to what is familiar, therefore often times a person will have a preferred representational system or a lead system. All the other representational systems are still there, and the lead or preferred system is what is activated first. It is only a strategy. It may or may not be useful.

For example, a person may be asked to remember a particular song and to begin accessing that information, they may first go visual then to auditory (see an image of the performer and then hear the verses) or they may go kinesthetic first and then visual and then auditory (get a feeling, see an image of the performer, and then hear the lyrics), depending on the complexity of the strategy. This will be discussed later.

Associated vs. Disassociated- Being completely in the moment, fully inside your body, so that you are looking out of your own eyes, listening through your own ears, and really feeling what you are feeling is the process of being associated. It means to be in your body and experience the world through your own senses.

On the other hand, being disassociated, is the process of stepping out of your body, out of the first position, and pretty much going anywhere else. Some books on sex suggest imagining you are a fly on the wall watching yourself having sex to help with the problem of premature ejaculation. Unfortunately, this also means you miss being present during a great experience as well as connecting with your partner. Better strategies are available.

 

First Order Change- This kind of change occurs within the system and at the same level of the problem. Let's clarify this with an example. A person has a habit of biting their nails on the left hand. And they change their habit so that they are no longer biting the nails on the left hand, but instead they're biting the nails on the right hand. This is a very simplified example, but then again so is first order change. Remedial changes are usually first order changes. Allopathic medicine focuses at this level as well. Placing a band-aid over the cut doesn't help in avoiding getting cut in the future.



Second Order Change- This kind of change takes place outside of the system and at another level than the level of the problem. An example of this level of change is the old adage: Give a person a fish, and they have food for a day. Teach them how to fish, and they have food for life. Second order changes impact the system and are usually at the level where you'll find solutions. Generative changes are usually second order changes.

Chunking Up vs. Chunking Down- This can be thought of as moving along a continuum. On one end you have specific information while on the other end you have abstract or general information. When you chunk down, you get more specific and as you chunk up you get more general. If I were to say Honda, well that is still fairly general. You could still chunk up and ask what mode of transportation was I referring to. Higher still would be a question about movement in general.

Or you could move in the other direction and ask what type of Honda: Civic, Accord, Passport? Sedan, Coupe, SUV? What year? What color? These types of answers are a result of chunking down and getting the details, the specifics.

Double Binds- Simply understood, double binds involve offering two or more choices within a restricted range. This creates an illusion of choice or alternatives. You probably heard them growing up: "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after you change into your pajamas?" Notice the illusion of choice there; either way your teeth are getting brushed.

In sales you may hear, "Are you planning on trading in your current car or just getting an additional one?" Or maybe, "Take all the time you need to decide that this is the right investment for you. And I'll check on you in a few minutes to see what you decided." (These are some I heard at a dealership a few weeks ago)

In trance, it may sound like, "Have you ever wondered whether your left hand or your right hand would be the first to go into trance? And more importantly would you join them before or after each or both of them?"

Double binds when used elegantly avoid resistance or the risk of breaking rapport. And when interjected sparingly, they have remarkable results.

Secondary Gains- The positive function that is being served by a problematic behavior. It's the benefit that is derived from not changing, or staying the same. Many behaviors that might be considered negative are maintained by the conscious or unconscious benefits the person or the system (family, work environment, relationship) is desiring.

Syntax- The structure of a sentence creates a particular meaning. "The dog bit Bobby," and "Bobby bit the dog," can both have the same words, yet their syntax paints a completely different image, doesn't it? A person's syntax gives you a glance at how they are constructing reality. Pacing syntax is another way to build rapport. You can also play with your problems this way. Change the syntax of your problem, and you might find that it takes the edge off.

Transderivational Search- The process of scanning through your internal memories and experiences to create meaning for yourself about what a word or phrase you read or hear. For example, when you read the word "apple". What comes to mind? The word apple written out in your mind's eye. A red apple. A green one. Times Square. New York City. A grove. Apple pie. An image of your mother or grandmother cooking. A juggler. The core of an apple. An apple with a worm poking its head out. Candy apple. Carmel apple. Etc...

The word "apple" is a label that points to some memory, image, or experience for you to understand what is being talked about. And everyone will have their own memory, image, or experience to which they make reference. And this search takes a person from uptime into downtime. It forces them to take a surface structure word such as "apple" and find reference in the deep structure. Sometimes this search is rapid, other times this may take a while. In an appropriate setting this time inwards can be used purposefully to further induce trance or fully access a state, and in other settings, this time should be respected and not intruded upon.

Positive Hallucination- The process of creating either an auditory sound or visual image where one does exist. Have you ever seen an animal dart out in front of you while you were driving and slammed on the brakes, only to find out that it was just a figment of your imagination? Ever thought you heard the phone ring and went to pick it up and no one was there? You were most likely experiencing positive hallucinations. And more importantly you were reacting to those hallucinations as if they were real. Hmm...

Negative Hallucination- The process of deleting out an auditory sound or visual image from your awareness. Have you ever looked all over for your keys only to have someone point them out to you that they were right in front of you? What your glasses? Have you ever had someone call your name for a while before you heard them? These are the times when you were experiencing negative hallucinations. And did you notice that you can't have one kind of hallucination without the other? What do you have to negate to create a positive hallucination? What do you have to create to delete something out of awareness?