A: Sometimes when you begin mirroring someone, and it becomes too overt, they may begin noticing it, perhaps still not consciously, but just enough to feel a bit uncomfortable. In these instances, you may want to begin crossover mirroring--where you begin to mirror their scratching of the face with your scratching of the knee or the rhythm of their head nods or foot tapping/bouncing with your finger tapping.
The whole purpose of this is to create a harmonious rhythm. Become a people watcher...go to your local mall or restaurant and watch couples. Look at them soft-eyed, meaning out of your peripheral vision instead of your foveal vision. Notice the dance taking place. You may also see no dance taking place, where couples may be fighting. Once you get good at this, you can begin to tell, who is dating, who is engaged or newly married, and who has been together for a long time.
Also realize that you are probably in rapport with most people most of the time without even knowing it. Don't try so hard, just let it flow. One thing I always do is always assume rapport and pay attention, if there is no rapport I can always go back and establish rapport. Whereas if I initially already have it, then I saved myself some time and energy.
With all that being said, now its time to find out how you know what you know. You said "they seem to become uncomfortable and immediately change their position." Now how do you know they were uncomfortable? What sensory-based information led you to believe that? And did you test to see if your assumption was correct? If you went inside to evaluate your own behaviors and make assumptions about the other person, then you were no longer paying attention on the outside, and that too may result in a loss of rapport. Keep that in mind as you continue to practice and develop these skills even far better than you already have.
And remember to try to seriously enjoy yourself in the process and if you can't then, just have fun with it instead.
-Oz
