A: If you are certain that the relationship is dead, then it is time to move. All of you. And by that I mean the pictures inside your mind as well. In your mind's eye, you may have an image of this man, and there can be many ways you could be doing this, you may try to superimpose this image onto every new man you meet and find that this new man can never fit quite right in the image of the man you loved. Or you may have two pictures side by side of the previous man and the new man, and once again the new man just can't compete.

As I mentioned before there are many ways you could be doing this. The important point for you is to go explore your own mind and see exactly how someone new would have to catch your eye. Go through and check all the submodalities of the image of the man you loved. After doing this you may realize that you aren't really responding to the person, but in fact the image you hold in your mind's eye of this person. And your feelings will shift as you alter the image or images.

And once you have the submodalities, how your mind codes experiences, you can use this to adjust the submodalities of someone new that you meet to that of the man you loved. But make sure before you adjust the submodalities that this new person meets your criteria of the kind of relationship you want to have. And when you are sure, then adjust the submodalities to get the feelings you want to have.

This may be easier with the assistance of a professional. Remember it is okay to ask for help.


-Oz