Ask Oz your questions on personal and professional change and transformation, as well as questions about Hypnosis, NLP, & EFT, and we will present them here along with Oz's responses.


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Allow Myself to be in Love Again  

Q: I am recently single. I have been single now for about 10 months. Before that I was in 3 different very long relationship. The last one ended very badly. I broke up with my ex because he had a gambling problem amongst many other. He verbally abused me soon after the break up for months. It was a scene. I am a very confident 26 year old women and have enjoyed being single for the first time in 8 years. I have dated quite regularly over the last 10 months. I've meet some wonderful guys, but after a few weeks I feel like I am just not into them.

I am currently seeing someone who is perfect, but I feel at times I want to change him. (Silly things- Clothes, mannerism) Also I when these guys come on to strong I push them all away. Could me not allowing love into my life somehow relate to my past relationship? Am I all out of love. And why do I feel the need to change the guys I'm with? I want to allow myself to be in love again because this guy is really great and I don't want to ruin it again. How can I fix this? --Anonymous





A: Can you imagine showing a computer mouse to someone a hundred years ago? What would they think about it? They might use it as weapon or may try to use it as a doorstop. But they would never consider to use it as we use it. Why? Because our reference points are completely different from theirs.


Now what might be of interest to you is discovering which reference point you are comparing against when you think about changing this guy. And I bet you already know the answer to that question. So what I am really wondering is what all are you missing about the guy you are with now?


I'll give you an idea of how it can work and the way you do it may be a bit different. One way is you hallucinate some other guy, and this imaginary guy is always next to the real guy in your life. They have to be next to each other so you can constantly compare and tweak the real guy to match the image of the hallucinated guy. And one day you hope that the real guy will become identical to the hallucinated guy and then he can step into the hallucinated guy's shoes and bring him to life and into your life for real. But all that means a lot of work for you and it's all for a feeling that you think the hallucinated guy will create within you.


So your two simplest options are to get rid of the feeling all together or attach the feeling to the real guy "as is". Being in love with an illusion or an idea will always lead to disappointment when compared with reality. The ups and downs of life is what makes it real. We evolve as a result of the challenges we overcome. Every relationship is an opportunity to learn about another person, human behavior, relationship dynamics, and most importantly yourself. So in the meantime, enjoy the ride!


-Oz