A: I'll start my reply with a NLP presupposition. "The meaning of your communication is the result you get." Although, you may have thought that you had clarified everything, the end result was that a miscommunication occurred. This is all at the surface level.
To go a little deeper, it also sounds like there was a bit of buyer's remorse. Whenever a customer is not completely sold on a product, service, or idea, they tend to feel bad about it, and usually try to get out of it anyway possible.
So the possible areas to look at would be, either she was not sold on or saw the value in, (1) hypnosis and/or how it would benefit her, (2) you as the hypnotist, or (3) the relationship between the two of you. Now of course there are other factors to consider, like she had an emergency and needed the money or something along those lines. But that is usually the exception rather than the rule.
Most hypnotherapists learn the trade well but not the business. And let's face it, at the end of the day it is a business. And that means selling, and selling well.
The other thing to lookout for is the headhunter. Those are the people that are wanting to try everything to prove to themselves and others that they did try everything and nothing could help them. That allows them to feel special and they take pride in making sure the therapist does not succeed in helping them. So beware...Don't become another trophy on their wall.
And remember to not let your client's baggage become your baggage. Sympathy may serve you better here than empathy.
Also, as far as customers go with any business, you'll sleep better at night if you remember the old adage, "Some will, some won't, so what?" And move on! Remember the Italian, Pareto Principle states that 80 percent of your business will come from 20 percent of your customers and clients.
Take care of them, and they'll take care of you!
-Oz
The answer to "
Hypnosis as a Business
"
posted by Oz @
Sunday, December 11, 2005
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Thinking Things Through Before Making Decisions
Q: Hi, I am not sure what to do. I have been separated from my husband for 6 years. The first 18 months was true separation I hardly saw except for birthdays and X-mas. After that he had a heart attack and called my number and I and our daughter took care of him. Then for the past 3 and half year we see each other 2-3 times per week. He has been stand offish but has asked to get back together. He says to sell my unit and move in with him. I am reluctant because I am losing my job sand I fear that if I sell my place the money will be spend and then if he wants to end the relationship I will have not much $$$. I do want to get back together and I still care for him but I am not sure if I will be happy with him as I can't stand his "coldness." What do you think I need to do before I can make up my mind? Thank you. --Anonymous
A: Relationships can become quite complex. And our emotions can further complicate them. This is not a simple question to answer. You will have to weigh the consequences of each choice. And it is imperative to do this with the rational mind. Quite often we get into trouble by only focusing on our immediate situation without considering the future outcomes of those choices.
The only thing I can advise you to do is to explore certain beliefs and dynamics you have about yourself and this relationship before coming to a decision. Here are some areas you might begin with:
the reasons you separated initially and what that shift would mean for you
your beliefs about being a caregiver and taking care of others (Is this a high need?)
what it would mean to totally lose him
how much impact will this have on your daughter and your respective relationships
your need for security, self-reliance, and having your own space
your fears about meeting someone new; being single?
are things he says in alignment with his behaviors
how much money do you really need to survive, to be comfortable, to be rich
what will it really mean if getting back together works out--what will you lose in the process
what if it doesn't work out--what are your backup/alternative plans
who are YOU when you are with him--and do you like that you?
who are YOU without him-- and do you like that you?
Your answers to the above questions will be a good place to start. Working with an unbiased friend or a professional may also help.
-Oz
The answer to "
Thinking Things Through Before Making Decisions
"
posted by Oz @
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Does Having Adult ADD Affect Being Able to Do NLP?
Q: Does having Adult ADD affect being able to do NLP?--Anonymous
A: Having Adult ADD can be like any other skill you have. Note what symptoms you have. Do those behaviors help you track many things at once? Do you pause in mid thought a lot (great technique for inducing trance)? Do you learn the things you really like too quickly? Are you restless and as a result able to work with more people? Do you lose things often and can help teach others that strategy so that they can lose their problems with greater ease? Do you have a problem remembering things? Another thing to teach other people so they have trouble remembering their problems.
If you can work through all the symptoms that you have and understand how they work, you will be able to improve your own life as well as learn many techniques to assist others. One of the key components of NLP is modeling. First decipher what you do well so that you have a working model, and then model things you want to learn from other people.
So I guess the answer to your question is yes, but not exactly in the way you may be thinking.
-Oz
The answer to "
Does Having Adult ADD Affect Being Able to Do NLP?
"
posted by Oz @
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Expressing Thoughts in Front of an Audience
Q: I have wanted to express my thoughts for a long time but am terrified when I face an audience. I am an ardent reader and would truly like to shed this problem so that I can live a fuller life and be of service to others. Can you help me? Thanking you and awaiting to hear from you.--Anonymous
A: Public speaking fears vary with each individual. There are many factors to consider. First of all, what defines an audience. Is that more than two people? Ten or more? 60 or more? I worked with an individual who would freak out between 6 and 7 people. It was quite amazing actually. As long as there were 6 people he would perform great, but that seventh person had him shaking in his boots. So I had him experiment by working in front of an audience of 6 plus a child, and then 6 plus a baby. Neither one of those two had any negative affect. It was the seventh adult that was the culprit. So that is what we began to work on.
The starting point for you would be to isolate the "trigger point". These less than desirable responses have a beginning, a middle, and an end. I would encourage you to explore the feelings yourself, yet if you feel you need assistance, then work with a professional.
Another area to explore would be your beliefs around your ability to speak, what you have to say (the content), your self-image as a speaker, your feeling towards authority as well as being one yourself, the need to speak up (cultural conditioning about people who say what's on their mind), and perhaps even a belief about revealing a part of yourself and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of others.
Explore and have fun!
-Oz
